When you have a question about sex or puberty, it can be hard to figure out who to ask. And it can be hard to know how to handle what happens after you talk. Here are a few things you might go through, and what you might want to do about it.

YOU ASK A FRIEND, SISTER OR BROTHER

They:

A) Tell others what you asked

• If you want them to keep it secret, next time, tell them so before going into details.
• If you can’t trust them, talk to someone else instead when you have other questions.

B) Are shocked that you don’t know

• Hang in there, they may also be shocked that you had the courage to ask.
• This reaction isn’t necessarily mean – give the person a chance to answer.
• If you’re uncomfortable, you can end the conversation at any time.

C) Don’t know the answer

• This is very likely – people don’t always know as much as you think.
• It takes courage for them to admit this, so thank them anyway. It’s better than having them make stuff up!
• See if they know where to find the answer.

YOU ASK AN ADULT

They:

A) Say you are too young to know

• They could be more nervous than you are. Saying something like this could be their way to avoid the subject.
• It is possible that they truly believe you are too young – maybe they didn’t know the answer until they were older.
• Maybe they don’t know the answer!
• If you think you are ready to know the details, look somewhere else to find them.

B) Get embarrassed and/or don’t answer right away

• Give them a chance to pull their thoughts together and start talking.
• You could offer to come back another time to talk about it.
• If you don’t understand their answer, ask if there is another way they can explain things.

C) Ask why you want to know

• If you tell them, it may help them better understand your question.
• If you don’t want to say, tell them that. Ask if they’ll answer your question, even if you don’t explain why you would like to know.

QUESTIONS IN SEX-ED

You ask a question in sex-ed class:

A) Everyone laughs

• If you have the courage, laugh and admit how embarrassing it can be to ask a question in class.
• Hang in there. Everyone is probably just as nervous as you are. Many other people in class probably want to know the answer, too.
• It takes a lot of courage to ask. Laughter doesn’t make it any easier. Give yourself a lot of credit.

B) You don’t understand the answer

• If you can, say that you don’t get it. Ask if there is another way to explain things.
• If you don’t feel okay about asking again, take it easy. Think about whether you can talk to the teacher or someone else in private another time.

C) You think you know less than everyone else

• It may just feel like this. Is there a chance that other people in class aren’t being honest about what they know?
• If you want to know more but don’t feel comfortable talking about it now, think about getting a book, surfing the Internet or talking to an adult, friend or someone else at another time.